


Heartbeat, Heartbreak.

by the-canary (siruru)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Lawyers, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Betrayal, CEO, Childhood Friends, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), Post-High School, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, working relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-09-05 22:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16819519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siruru/pseuds/the-canary
Summary: Three musketeers until you started to fall in love. But, have you been living since then?





	1. can’t get my mind out of those memories.

**Author's Note:**

> This for @notimetoblog‘s writing challenge. i know that this is a long time coming, since em is now at 2k but better late than never! this is new series to start after sunburst ends, it’s just that i have no impulse control. it is a mix of things, so i didn’t want to spoil too many things. switching up some things, but i hope you enjoy it!

In a semi-dark bar in Brooklyn, there is a man sitting somberly with a beer at hand. A piece of paper in front of him that he keeps staring at every couple of minutes. He looks heartsick for a second, like he had been waiting with a longing that had lasted years. However, the mood slightly picks up when a redhead comes his way, bright smile but tired green eyes as he smiles back. She asks for her favorite cocktail, as his name’s rolls easily of her lips.

“How have you been in, James?” Nat pats his shoulder, as if two soldiers leaning into together in the defeat of the week now behind them. 

“Fine, the merge is going through smoothly,” Bucky declares with a bit of agony at the end because while he loved his company --in the family for generations-- he couldn’t compete with someone like Tony Stark, though he would make sure all of his employees made it through to the next step safely.

“How is the baby doing?” 

“Colics, she’s been keeping me up all night this week,” Natasha laughs, already asking for another drink, “Sharon finally told me to take a break, kicked me out to meet with you.”

“That’s good,” Bucky laughs, because if you had asked him which one of his friends would be married with a baby, he certainly wouldn’t have said Nat, who always seemed to distant emotionally in their own relationship to make it work. 

It just took one pretty blond from her graduate courses to change all that.

“But, you aren’t here to talk about Rose, are you?” Nat finally speaks up, as she stares at the little card in front of him --  _ 15th high school reunion. _

It leaves a sour taste on both their mouths, much like anything that might remind them of their past failures, of her. 

“No,” Bucky answers back, his drunken haze allows the sorrow to enter his tone more than it might’ve, “I was wondering if you got it too.”

“Two days ago,” Nat states, still pushing to get to the truth of what he wants, “But, that still isn’t what you want to talk about.”

“Do you think she’ll be there?” 

_ Woop, there is it _ , Nat can’t help but think. 

“I don’t know, James. It’s been almost fifteen years,” she tries to stay distant, nonchalant about the whole affair, “Maybe, she’s forgotten all about us.” 

Bucky frowns, but Natasha had always had a slightly harder heart than his -- maybe, it came due to her family background, but she was fine with hiding what she truly felt about the the destruction of their trio. However, James had a soft heart for all his girls --his sisters, Nat, and the one that had broken it off-- he knew that even if seventy years passed from the last time he had saw her, he would still find himself thinking of her once a day, everyday.

He knew Natasha missed her too, but in a different and more sort of detached way, she couldn’t hide it especially with baby Rose’s middle name. 

“I just want to ask one thing,” Bucky takes a sip of his drink, green eyes staring and waiting for what he would want, “If I found her, would you help me get her back?” 

“Anthos can never heal from Milady, huh?”

* * *

On the other side of town, bright and upscale SoHo, there is more of a celebration. Friday night usually meant girls’ night in a certain apartment, as Darcy brought the snack, Jane brought the movies --which couldn’t be science films after Darcy got nightmares that one time-- and you brought the drinks. Everything was going as plan, as you pop into the room with the biggest grin on your face and three of the most expensive champagne bottles you could buy on the way back from work.

“Ohhh, what are we celebrating?” Darcy can’t help but giggle out, as she stares at the bottle before getting the cork opener. Jane smiles since she already knew a bit due to working in the same building as you -- word traveled fast in Stark Industries. 

“Philips is retiring,” you declare while taking off your heels and taking a seat, “Ms. Potts has already declared the two people that are going to overlook the upcoming merger with a small company.” 

“You and--?” Darcy can’t help but question only the last part because she knew you too well.

As workaholic lawyer that dedicated yourself in the mergers and acquisitions department of Stark Industries who had been looking for a roommate after your last --Jane-- had decided to get married. You worked weekends and overtime, only really taking Fridays off for them. Sometimes, there was a stray crush or date here and there, but you were solely focused on one thing and by the looks of it you were close to claiming it.

“--Rumlow,” you groan and lean back on the couch as two pairs of wide eyes look at you, “Ms. Potts wants us to personally court this CEO and see if we can sign the deal.”

“What do you know about them?” Jane asks, while leaning in just a bit as you shake your head.

“A complete mystery until Monday,” you state, while grabbing a glass, “Though I think that’s it’s more of a Mr. Stark idea. He likes keeping the whole attorney branch on their toes.”

“I could see that,” Darcy smiles before she starts drinking herself, “So more and more good news for you.” 

You look at her confused for a moment, as she grins and gives you a small card that had an address from Brooklyn that you have not seen in a long while. You frown and immediately they know something is up because as much of a hardass that you might be at work, you were one of the kindest, stubborn people they knew. You showing fear or some type of negative emotion was usually rare and definitely a cause for concern. 

“Oh, there’s story behind this,” Jane states with a nod, knowing better how your head worked than Darcy did. It was five years compared to the year and half of living together that you had.

“There’s no story, but I’m  _ not _ going,” you huff out, as you throw the card onto the coffee table. 

Both of them still watching you like they don’t buy it, though they just have to be patient -- they knew if you drank enough, you would become a tell all drunk. It was a bit mean, but sober you kept everything under lock and key with a safe underneath the seat. 

They get their answer an hour and a few drinks later, as you let out a heartfelt sob: “I don’t wanna see them again.” 

“Who?” Jane says softly, as she comes over and starts cradling you like a mother. 

You let out a sniff and murmur into her dress shirt: “Bucky and Nat…” 


	2. now time to tell you don't take my dreams.

_ Darcy and Jane look at you despondent swinging your large glass of wine. Somehow, still sober enough to go over the story, but slowly losing yourself to depressing memories that you never really talked about with them, even with Jane -- who you considered your closest friend. So, here they were ready for you to open up to them in any way possible:  _

_ “Bucky Barnes was the apple of everyone’s eyes, I knew that since kindergarten. All the teachers loved him. He was a cute kid with all the girls wanting to talk to him and all the boys wanting to play with him -- one bat of those pretty blue eyes and the store clerk gave him everything he wanted. He was named “cutest kid in class” like all 5 years of elementary school. We orbited around each other for a long time -- had the same classes, our moms were friends. That all changed in 5th grade, I think, that’s when we both met Natasha Romanoff.” _

* * *

You hear steps echoing down the hall and pounding in your head, as you look over the paperwork for the meeting this afternoon connected to the potential merger. There were a lot of things you were trying to ignore since you received the folder this morning --your slight hangover, the location of the place, the name of the CEO-- but it wasn’t really helping. Your laptop was opened to one web page and you were wondering if something was cursing you for drinking and whining so much in one weekend. 

“You look awful,” you hear a familiar voice from the glass door entrance of your office, as Sam gives you a teasing smile, only for you to groan. It wasn’t often that he saw you like this, but it did usually happen when something big was happening for the attorney branch of Stark Industries -- it would be hard for anyone else to believe that the star attorney was a mess just a few hours before any meeting. 

Sam and you had been both picked up shortly after law school graduation by one Chester Phillips and have been stuck together ever since on most projects. However, Sam wasn’t aiming for the top spot at the current moment, not while he had a wife and child at home and the hours were already killing him to begin with, though he was there to support you in whatever way possible. 

“It was a really depressing weekend,” you murmur, while rubbing your eyes. At least, it was as bad as when you had to meet Dr. Helen Cho and her associates in regards to their medical machinery. 

“Well, I can tell you that a Mr. Rumlow had a much better one,” Sam states while taking a seat in front of your desk. A teasing smile on his lips due to your current state, but his eyes are all business -- it was a wonder of Sam to entrap people with his chill and friendly nature before he got them to do anything that he wanted. It still happened to you after years of knowing him.

“Please don’t tell me,” you groan in exasperation. 

“Already took out a said Mr. Barnes to drinks and dinner last weekend,” Sam tells, as you try not to show any emotion at the mention of a certain last name, and while Sam quickly catches that grimace he decides not to say anything about it for now.

“Do you know if he’s already prepared to close?” you state, half angry at Rumlow for sneaking around and stealing this merger from you, but also hopeful that maybe you won’t have a meeting to deal with at all. 

“Nope,” Sam declares, dashing your half-hopes away, “I heard Jack saying that Rumlow was fuming. Barnes wanted to hear both deals before signing anything with Stark.” 

“Okay, okay,” you state in steady breathes, as Sam keeps watching you, “We can do this.” 

It might be a little strange two have two lawyers always fighting within a company for mergers --it even seemed a bit detrimental--, but it came with how everything was organized after Tony Stark took over. One division of the attorneys worked directly for what was best for the board of directors, that’s where Rumlow, Pierce (a long time ago), and their group all came from. Chester Phillips, with all his stubbornness and general dislike towards Tony, still worked with his and the people coming in best interest in mind -- that how he picked you and Sam, thus you leaned more towards Pepper Potts-Stark and the couple’s general philanthropic interest from time to time. 

However, Philips wasn’t going through pick favorites, he wanted one of you to seal the deal with Barnes’ Pharmaceuticals, and you had to throw yourself into an oncoming train with your past to do so. 

“Sam,” you start off, brown eyes completely on you, “I think I have to disclose somethings before this afternoon’s meeting. It’s all a maybe at this point, but I just feel like you need to know.” 

“Well, now it’s starting to feel like an episode of  _ Ally Mcbeal. _ ”

* * *

_ “She’s a real hardass. Won’t give up until you sign the cheapest deal possible.”  _

James wiggles in his seat thinking about everything that a certain Brock Rumlow had been saying about the other attorney he was going to be meeting with from Stark Industries -- and while the man had given him a lucrative deal for himself and the researchers, that wasn’t who he was thinking about. 

“Treat people the same way you want to be treated,” Bucky whispers his father’s old motto like a lucky charm before playing with the ring on his right index finger -- thinking that his family was close always made him feel a bit better. He was still unsure about the whole thing, but he wanted the best for his employees that might not be moving directly into the bigger comgralmerate’s shadow. 

It didn’t help that while he was doing his research that an all too familiar name kept popping up during his research in regards to the attorneys within Stark Industries. She was in a lucrative position and while there was no mention of anything related to her personal life outside of her college and law accolades, Bucky couldn't help but think of another person he had been thinking about recently.

“Sure, you’re okay there, pal,” the blond to his right side can’t help but ask as James gives him a weary smile. This had been taxing for both of them, but especially to Steve who was dealing with more of the accounting aspects while having a pregnant wife to tend to.

“Just want this meeting to finish already,” Bucky groans, but before he can say anything else heels on the pristine white floor of the hallway grab their attention. 

There is a woman in a black dress and dark blazer combo and a man wearing a dark blue suit holding pads and folders walking towards them. The woman opens the door first and gives them a small smile with a handshake before going to the other side of the table. The man --introducing himself as Sam Wilson-- does the same. Bucky has to take a moment to breathe because here she is in front of him -- older and more serious than he remembers, but he can still picture where the stretches of baby fat once laid. 

If she was cute before-- well, she was gorgeous now. 

“I have some documents for you to quickly glance through,” she states as she hands the papers to Steve, “Now then, shall we get started?”

* * *

The meeting last the whole two hours with James and Steve both agreeing amongst themselves that they enjoy the deal that she has presented to them compared to Rumlow’s last weekend. Steve also seems to quickly hit it off with Sam, trading banter and sports trivia, but she stays quiet most of the time. Answering and asking questions are the most that she does, but James can tell everything she states is calculated and purpose -- unlike Rumlow who just ran his mouth when he drank too much or saw a pretty gal walk his way. 

“Every year you get disappointed cause you picked a losing team,” the breezy chuckle drags Bucky’s attention from his inner thoughts as he sees her laughing with Sam and Steve over what teams they are going for, in what sport Bucky isn’t exactly sure. 

The two of them keep making small talk about where they grew up until the meeting runs it course and Steve states that they will be looking over some of the other documents with their accountants. She simply nods and give Steve a grateful smile. 

“Can I ask you one last thing?” Steve adds in, curious about a couple of things, “Where are you from?”

“ _ Brooklyn _ ,” she states like a bitter afterthought, “Born and raised.” 

Steve doesn’t say anything and they move with saying goodbye and promising that more phone calls will follow. James gives her an unsteady smile and shakes her hand before leaving, but nothing tells him whether she is happy, angry, or even if she knows who he is, but Bucky knows -- deep down, he just can’t shake the feeling. She leaves the room without another word and Sam nods in their direction. Steve is confused for a moment until he sees Bucky’s face, at awe but a mixed bag of worry and grief. 

“Please, don’t tell me you’ve slept with her,” Steve can’t help but ask, while gathering all the folders they have been given to look over. James stays silent, as his shoulders move downward as if a weight had been removed from them, but something else was now weighing heavily on his heart.

_ No, he did something much much worse -- he broke her heart.  _

“So, was it him?” Sam can’t help but ask once they have made it safely away from earshot. You grip and release your hands multiple times, as you try to keep all the sick and ill feelings at bay because regardless of everything you might feel, you can’t help but notice that James Buchanan Barnes is still an attractive man. 

His charming personality was still there and how he cared about all his employees regardless of what he might get in the end -- well, in another life that would have had you swooning. However, that didn’t change the past and the things you had gone through because of him and a certain redhead. 

“Yeah,” you state, “I need to you handle the rest of the details for the merger. I-I can’t do it.” 

“Are you sure?” Sam stops and stands in front of you. Brown eyes determined as he punches your shoulder lightly, “Are you gonna let Rumlow win?” 

“Rumlow could have the world, as long as I don’t have to deal with James Barnes,” you state hotly before side stepping and walking down the hall once more.

_ What the hell did that man do? _

Sam plans on following your advice when it comes to the merger, but also because of something else as well now. 


	3. still music keeps turning me to the words the hurt my soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is getting so dramatic but please enjoy.

_ “Natasha came into my life around middle school and somehow she got me and Bucky to become her friends. I don’t even remember how it happened, she just came up to my lunch table one day and we just started talking. After that Bucky was following her like some lost duckling, maybe he was in love with her from the very beginning, I’m not to sure because he always seem to have a girl around him..trying to catch his attention. But, there we were...a sort of uneasy version of the Three Musketeers.“ _

* * *

Anything moving forward in regards to the deal is made through Sam after the initial meeting, it makes James wonder if she is out of the deal completely or if she would rather just not see him of all people. It’s the only answer he receives in regards of whether she remembered him or no. James, like now, often found himself questioning how the years had treated her --she had always been on the studious and quiet side, and while it still seemed like that she knew how to control the room to lead it into her directions. She was silent but deadly, so he could understand why she was one of Stark Industries best lawyers. 

“So, are you done daydreaming?” a teasing voice asks, which causes Bucky to look up and see a smiling Sam as he glances back down on the memo attached to the proposal -- an all too familiar name written at the end of it, which had caused his mind to linger in the first place. 

“Yeah, sorry,” James lets out an unsteady laugh, as Sam shakes his head as their fourth meeting comes to a close. 

“Are you thinking about a certain someone?” Sam questions with an arched eyebrow and James has to wonder how much he might know, how much she had told him -- a small light of hope flickers in the back of his mind as he leans a bit forward than before.

“How much do you know?” 

“Enough to understand why she would throw away a promotion than to deal with you,” Sam answers back with a streak of protectiveness that James had felt a lifetime ago when someone tried to hurt or talk about his girls -- and now Natasha certainly didn’t need that and she had shut the door with tears streaming down her face all those years ago. 

“W-What?” James lets out uneasily, as Sam sighs.

“Let’s just say you sign with Rumlow,” Sam explains leaning into the plush chair that he had taken a seat in James’ office. The sun came in overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge lightning the old red brick office with several accolades and pictures around the wall, he took a moment to finally take in, “Then, Rumlow takes the promotion as head of the department. If you sign with me, it gives her a mark, but since she didn’t directly deal with you...well, Rumlow could use that against her.” 

“That doesn’t seem fair,” is the only thing James can say. The pit of his stomach churning at what he might cause her once more. He can’t help but think he has never done anything right by her -- not in their shared teenage years and certainly not now if he was causing her the loss of a job promotion. 

“Chester Phillips is a hard man to bargain with,” Sam lets out with a shrug, having dealt with the man hundreds of times before and while Philips was the one that had brought him into Stark Industries -- he was still a hard ass either way -- she knew that more than most people though. 

“It’s best not to think about the things you can’t fix,” Sam states from his own personal experience. The meeting having long since ended and turning into something more personal, “You’re just gonna hurt more people trying to dig up old bones. 

With that last piece of advice, Sam gives the dazed man a smile before picking up his suitcase and saying that he’ll contact James for the next meeting. Sam knows he’s close to striking a deal, but from he knows about James Barnes --the man was a sentimental fool-- he knew that he wasn’t going to get anything closed until he saw a certain someone, talked to them one on one to let old feelings die. It was extremely unprofessional, but that’s just how life went some ways -- and Sam knew what he had to do something about it. 

Sam had to call in the big guns, he just wasn’t sure how she was going to handle all this. At least, somewhat well, was all he could hope for.

* * *

> \--- _ and Mr. Barnes,  _
> 
> _ As our impending deal and merger come to an end, I would like to take the time to take you both out to lunch at your earliest convenience.  _
> 
> _ I look forward to meeting and talking with both of you over your future endeavors and what else can be done to strengthen our connections in the future.  _
> 
> _ Thank you, _
> 
> _ Virginia Potts _
> 
> _ C.E.O of Stark Industries.  _

You can only curse at the sight of the little message in your email box.

* * *

In all of your years of working and knowing Pepper Potts, you sometimes didn’t know what to expect from her. She had started as the personal assistant of Mr. Stark at around the same time you and Sam had started in the legal department. The two of you had seen discussions go on between Mr. Stark and Philips in the most stubborn of ways men could argue over things and were often the go between for the two of them when things got too heated. You found an easy work relationship with the woman who as a forefront was quiet and organized, but was stubborn as well when she wanted to be. 

She could quickly learn things and catch things that most people couldn’t and that’s what you missed when you became a one-track mind sort of person. Pepper was scary when she wanted to be, so you weren’t sure how you were going to handle your old personal life potentially going to be on display to her as the CEO. 

You didn’t want to know how much Pepper potentially knew at this point, she always had her ways of being noisy around such things and what exactly she was planning this lunch to be. 

“How have the dealings with Mr. Barnes been so far?” she asks, while the of you are been driving to  [ Per Se  ](https://www.thomaskeller.com/new-york-new-york/per-se/restaurant) for lunch that afternoon. There were a smile on her face that you already knew she was up to something -- if there was something that the Potts-Stark couple shared was their nosiness around the people and things that they care about. 

“Sam tells me they have been going well,” you start off as blue eyes give you a questioning look, “I have been finishing off the Lesher Holdings acquisition, but I should be back to it soon.” 

“That’s good,” Pepper gives you a smile before going back to looking at her phone, as you look out the car window.

Yup, she definitely knows something.

* * *

James Barnes might be the successful CEO of a small company off in Brooklyn, but the restaurant that he is set up to meet with a certain someone and Pepper Potts was certainly out of his league. He had gone through a mild panic attack until Nat had promised to be there with him up to when he had to enter the restaurant, though with little Rose along for the ride since it was Nat’s turn to take care of her as Sharon worked.

And while James should be worried about two people potentially meeting, he was more nervous about meeting the CEO of Stark Industries once more that anything else flew over his radar. Rosie cooing in her baby carry-on strapped to the front of Nat’s body, as the woman had an irritated look on her face while fighting with James’ tie. 

“James, you’re going to be fine,” Nat remarks with a tired sigh, as she straightens the blue tie one last time, “You’ve already met her and Tony Stark before and you did just fine. Stop being such a baby.”

“I--” he hadn’t gotten the chance to tell Nat the second part of the situation -- that he had found her and that she wanted nothing to do with him. The two of them finding her had always intrigued them in some way, but to actually have her in front of them once more -- well, he wasn’t sure in which direction Nat was going to take if she ever found out. 

“You’ll do great,” Nat gives him a brief smile before stopping anything else she was going to say, as a black car pulls up to said restaurant. However, Bucky can’t see who is coming out of the vehicle that catches Natasha’s eye -- her brief pause doesn’t register to Bucky as she quickly masks whatever distress she might be going through.

“Go ‘em Buck,” is all she says while patting him on the shoulder on last time. James smiles and nods before heading in. 

If she had seen a ghost, she doesn’t tell him and decides to stay quiet for now and gather her thoughts for another time, as Rose gurgles for her attention.

* * *

Pepper is quick to notice there is a tense aura in the air between the two people she is sharing this lunch with and while Sam had shared some details of what he knew, the CEO could tell that there was more to that. She was good at reading people, but is was more than obvious that Mr. Barnes was throwing longing, lovestruck eyes at a certain someone that wouldn’t even look his way. She frowns because it must have been something if you, the stature of professionalism, was bothered by being near James Barnes. 

Like now, as you took the farthest seat away from him and only greeted him with a nod, while Pepper came up to the man and shook his hand as he kissed her on the cheek. 

“Mr. Barnes, it is good to see you again,” Pepper states before taking the seat between the two of you, “I hope the merger details are going well.”

“It’s good to see you again, Ms. Potts,” he answers back, blue eyes glancing at you for a moment as you proceed to look at the menu with extreme interest, “And yes, Sam has been very understanding thus far.”

Lunch moves forward as best as it can with two people clearly talking, though one is staring longing at the third, as you stay quiet and eat your order unless Pepper needs you to answer something, which isn’t often. Pepper, for once is at a loss of what to do next, until her phone begins to ring and you stare at her in a mix of horror and confusion as she begins to get up. 

“If you’ll excuse me,” Pepper states with an uneasy smile, as she looks between the two of you for a brief second hoping that everything will be alright. 

Pepper leaves, giving you an apologetic frown, as she leaves you and James in utter silence. You look at your half-finished food while James tries to pick up the courage to talk. 

“I--” he starts off, as you look up at him with dead serious eyes. You take a zip of water before turning to look at him with nothing but fury in your face and for a brief moment Bucky remembers when you were younger and that look was nothing but love and adoration.

“If you can do one thing, just one measly thing to do right by me, James,” you whisper harshly, “Then, leave me the hell alone.” 

James can hear the silent  _ please  _ at the end of your statement because even now you weren’t going to be the type of beg. You go back to staring at your plate, at the floor, your hands -- anything that isn’t the grief stricken James, who runs a hand down his face in utter defeat and desperation. His voice sounding meeker and more broken than before. 

“If I said I was sorry---” he starts off, only for you to get up and drop your napkin on the table. Your eyes a bit redder than before.

“You weren’t sorry back then. Don’t try to make amends when it’s already too late,” you state softly before getting up and walking out of the restaurant, unsure of where you are going but knowing you couldn’t stand looking at James and now knowing that he and Natasha had created a future together -- that they had gotten married and had a beautiful baby together. 

You let out a dry sob and hail a taxi from outside, already preparing the email you were going to send Pepper as an explanation for your sudden disappearance.

And James just sits there, his own eyes watering as a certain redhead comes back to the table -- the aftermath of what she had been planning clearly not what she thought it was going to be. Pepper sits down across from James and places her hands calmly on the table, meal clearly forgotten, as she looks him squarely in the face.

“You know,” she starts off with a light laugh, “I think this is the first time, I’ve seen her run away from a lunch meeting rather than the other way around.” 

“She’s that good, huh?” James lets out with a watery and bitter laugh.

“She’s the best I’ve got,” Pepper shrugs as James’ eyes sparkle with some unknown emotion that Pepper couldn’t even begin to understand -- love and loss all in the same gaze, as she moves forward with her plan, “However, that’s not what I am here to talk about, not even the merger.” 

The serious look on Pepper’s face makes James sit up a bit straighter than before: “Please don’t believe that I am doing this for you in anyway. I have known and worked with her long enough to understand that there has always been something holding her back when it comes to enjoying life, the fruits of all her hard work. The emotions that you rile up in her isn’t something that I’ve ever seen from her in all the years I have seen her working with the worst in people.”

“I see,” James lets out slowly, though still unsure, “But, what does that have to do with me?”

“If it helps her move on, I would gladly help you in any way I can,” Pepper admits with a small smile as James looks at her in completely shock. The opportunity that he had been waiting for is staring him right in the face, but before he can thank her -- Pepper adds one more thing.

“But, I swear, Mr. Barnes. You break her heart once more and I’ll make sure you sure you regret it every single day of your life.” 

James nods quickly as Pepper gets up without another word. At this point, he was willing to do everything and what Pepper didn’t know was that he had been regretting breaking your heart the first for the past couple of years -- he didn’t have anything to lose now. 

* * *

It isn’t until several days later that Bucky finally gets to see Nat again. However, it isn’t like the last time -- this time she’s wearing her poker face and her body is more tense than usual as if she was getting ready to go to war. Green clashes with blue as she puts down her drink. Her voice dipping into sadness for a moment, before she shut up with her anger completely. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you had found her?” 


	4. removing old doubts from my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is getting so dramatic but please enjoy. no bucky in this one, but finally some nat.

_ “I’ll spare you the mundane details about that time, but it all came full head after 10th grade summer break. Bucky went to some space camp, Nat went to a ballet workshop -- her dad made her. And I volunteered around until my family went on our summer annual trip. When school started...something was different, they left making goggly eyes at each other, spending time together without me -- they had been trading letters all summer, something I didn’t think until much later. I started feeling left behind, than that happened---”  _

* * *

Thor gives the two of you a skeptical eye. You were sitting in a wet dress with a bandage around your hand, the red head -also wet- sitting to his right had a bruise swelling on her right cheek. You were looking at the table and she was looking at you, but what grabs your attention is the blond man looking at his phone with a smile before turning to look at the mess that you are at the moment.

“I’ve already called Jane,” he explains, as you give him a weary smile, “Will you be alright if I leave for my meeting?” 

“I can manage,” you say with a dry laugh as the tree of a man pats your hand gently before getting up. Dual colored eyes move from looking at you to Natasha, as he gives you that look of  _ call me and i’ll come rushing over.  _ You nod and with a wave he is out of the mini medical ward housed in Stark Industries. 

It’s when he’s finally out of earshot that Nat speaks: “He really cares about you.” 

You bite your tongue in bitterness, semi-sure of what brought her here and completely unsure about the other half. You were sure she just could have talked to James to stop what he had been doing, if she really wanted to, unless they swung that way as a married couple. You frown at what the years could have done to these two, but maybe they have always been rotted to the core. 

They certainly treated you that way when they saw no more use for you. 

“Are you just going to pretend I’m not here?” Nat ask, as you move just a smidge so that you are staring at her black boots. An annoyed sigh leaves her, as you lean onto the armrest a bit more, to alleviate the pain from the hit you took rushing through the side of your body. 

“Can you wait for Jane to get here?” you groan out, as you bite back -- much to her pleasure since she hadn’t heard that voice in years, “When she gets here, then you can dish whatever it is you want to -- about you, about James, whatever. Just shut up for now, please.” 

You don’t see Nat’s eyes widen at the sound of your voice crack and how it gets a bit more harder to talk for you, as you mention her name and Bucky’s. Her heart drops as she watches you slide further into the chair, as if you’re trying to protect yourself from whatever may come next. She had seen it once or twice before when you were younger, a defense mechanism for when you got scared and Bucky started to tease you, though Nat never thought it would directed towards her. 

Nat straightens up a bit more, as she decides to ask: “Who’s Jane exactly?” 

You let out a shuddering sigh thinking of the shorter woman for a moment --the one who worried too much and had even tried to set you up with her eccentric brother-in-law once-- as you finally look at Nat. She probably knows who Jane might be, but you strike the killing blow either way. 

“She’s my best friend.” 

Green eyes look away, as you place your head in the plush headrest, closing your eyes and wondering how exactly you got to this point.

* * *

You’re sure its a couple of days after that lunch meeting that you ran out of and had promptly excused yourself in front of Pepper and Tony for later on. They are the first thing that you saw in the morning three days after you last seen James and there were really two people in the world that knew which flowers you liked and the meaning behind them, and you were sure that Loki wouldn’t seek you out from all the way in England -- hell, you hadn’t even made it past the first date.

No, there is only one person --from that summer when you were just too into that new flower shop up the block and reading too much into  _ Alice in Wonderland- _ \- who knew that the bouquet of flowers meant to you. You let out a shuddering sigh, trying to stay calm and level headed though that was becoming more difficult the more you dealt with James Barnes. 

You weren’t going to deny it was nice gesture, but deep down the image of him, Natasha, and the baby she had with her that day lingered and festered in your heart like an open wound. You move a bit closer, chest feeling as heavy as cement, as you see a small note between the lilies and gardenias 

_ Please...I just want to talk.  _

It’s all the note says and with that you grab the vase and throw it into the closest trash bin. You walk back out and ask the floor’s receptionist to not accept any flowers on your behalf. 

* * *

The flowers keep coming everyday until the front desk seems like a well-tended garden. However, you keep moving forward without a glance towards them. 

Sam keeps telling you that James won’t close the deal without talking over the final details with you. However, you keep saying no, that he can close it without you like he had done a handful of times before.

Chester Phillips eventually enters the picture and though he gives you some stern words, he knows by now that your silence isn’t something that is so easily gained. And for a moment, it even worries the older man.

“You know, this isn’t just about the deal,” Sam tells you one day when he decides to buy you lunch in a cafe not that far from the Tower,”All that anger and sentiment that you feel towards James and this Natasha, it might just wash away when you get closure.” 

Your eyes turn to him, as he gives you a smile before taking a bite out of his burger, that sinks your heart at the sight that someone --and in extension so many people-- care about you and your well-being. You shake your head. 

“I wish that things like this were easier to let go of though,” you murmur before going back to eating your meal.

* * *

You think it’s only a matter of time before Natasha finds out what James has been doing and towards who it had been directed towards and while you think you are prepared to see the redhead face-to-face. It is a completely different stay when you see her waiting by the fountain of Stark Tower, as you walk briskly and hoping that she didn’t see you or even didn’t recognize you. 

“Hey!” the call of your name echoes in your ears for a moment, as you walk a bit faster than before. All the anger you might have felt decides to leave you at that moment as a cold stone causes you to run in to the building and that’s where security stops her, as you only glance for a quick second before you head to the safety of your floor. 

You obviously don’t remember that Natasha was as stubborn, even more so, than you as you head outside for lunch only to see that she is still waiting near the fountain area while playing on her phone and for brief moment, you wonder where her baby could be. Though, you are sure that James made enough money to hire a good, if not permanent babysitter. 

You remember what Sam told you a while back and though you couldn't stand looking at James for all he had done, Natasha --the silent variable in your dilemma-- is a completely different story, a different sort of pain that came with being a friend betrayed and thrown aside. 

She probably knows that you are heading in her direction before anything else, but chooses until you are standing in front of her to look up.

“What do you want?” you asks, as green as take in your form for a moment. The changes in both of you were obvious, but it had been that red hair and green eyes that caught your attention -- Natasha had always demanded your attention in some way. 

“To talk, catch up,” she states, making light of the situation in her own way like she used to. And while years ago a younger you might have laughed at that, this time --the last thing you remember before Thor pulled you out of the fountain area-- you end up pushing her straight in the freezing water behind her.

* * *

Jane comes in after twenty minutes of silence between the two of you, as she glances at Natasha before huddling over on you and asking about everything that had happened and if you were all right. You just nod numbly, already placing that layer of numbness over your emotions that Jane had gotten used to seeing over the years, as you give her a shaky smile. 

“Are you alright —“ Jane pauses, waiting for her name even though she already knows it.

“Natasha Romanoff,” she states and while you are mildly surprised that there is no Barnes at the end of it, you wouldn’t be too surprised if she had decided to keep her maiden name. Life was so much more easier that way.

“And you are?” Nat asks back, as Jane smiles completely unaware of how the poised smile might be hiding something underneath.

“Dr. Jane Odinson,” she states just as proudly as you briefly remember how pretty Jane looked the day of her wedding.

After pleasantries are exchanged a thick silence hangs between the three of you because you aren’t willing to ask what Nat wants and she seems to be assessing the situation, as Jane looks between the both of you for more than a moment.

“I didn’t know that Bucky had asked you out that night,” she admits and you scoff, making sure to show that you don’t believe her in any sense of the word. She grips her hands to her jeans.

“That certainly didn’t stop you once you found out,” you bite back, as she is thrown into silence because it’s true -- in the long run, Nat choose James and without an explanation stopped talking to you all together.

“There’s more to it than that,” Nat tries her best to explain as Jane keeps a hold on your hand, “I know I never got to explain it, but I want to do so now.”

“Why so you could—“

You start off with all the bitterness and anger spilling forth on the tip of your tongue, as Natasha slams her hand on the table in front of her causing both you and Jane to jump.

“Whatever illusion you have stuck in your head from seeing James and I that day isn’t true,” Nat says in a sort of desperation, years in the making, that you have never heard from her before, “I’m not married to James and he isn’t Rosie’s dad.”

You bite your bottom lip and hold onto to Jane’s hand just a little bit tighter than before. However, the words seem to be stuck in your throat, but Jane has known you long enough to know what you might be thinking.

“If we could find somewhere calmer to speak about all this,” Jane’s blue eyes find green ones as you lay your head on her shoulder, “Then I’m sure she would be willing to listen. I can safely say it would be best for all three of you to get closure on this.”

Natasha sighs and agrees, as you simple nod. The two of them eventually pick a place and time that is between the Stark Tower and where you could only guess she lives now, but with so many questions and emotions running through your head, you don’t say anything as Natasha gets up after calling a carshare, or whatever she was doing on her phone --that miraculously didn’t get destroyed-- as Jane bids her farewell a bit tersely. 

“Let’s get you home,” Jane pushes you up gently, as you simply nod, “Don’t worry, we can forget all about today, maybe get some movies and ice cream.” 

“Sure,” you say letting out a dry laugh, as she helps you get up and you make it through one of the many hallways and into the underground parking that leads to her car. 

However, it wasn’t an easy thing to forget, but whether you liked it or not -- it was time to move on. 


	5. the truth will set you free, or hurt you even more.

_ “They were spending all the time in the world together, they were at Bucky’s house all the time. I was so confused, but I just kept going back to them, they were my best friends. But, then out of left field James asked me out to homecoming and by then...I knew I had a crush on him, but I kept it myself and said yes! I was so excited, but he seemed preoccupied the whole time and I never saw Natasha...Until I saw them kissing underneath the bleachers and I ran for it. I don’t think they ever went after me.” _

* * *

There are different versions of the truth depending on how much the person knows and from what angle they are looking at it from. Some people just blind themselves of what they have known all their lives because it is better to live with that than that actual reality of the situation, others simply just don’t know the truth for a variety of reasons. 

Rebecca Barnes knows all this too well, as it is an important part of her job. As a defense lawyer, she knows that she has to fight against a certain truth that it placed by the prosecution in order to prove her client’s innocence. 

She had seen the truth played out in hundreds of different ways, and sometimes it didn’t have a happy ending. Staring at Nat from across the diner booth, she knew that the slightly older woman’s version of the truth had played out a certain way, but not without loss or grief that she had seen her brother (and by extension herself) pay in the long run of things.

“So, why do you need me to be there again?” Rebecca can’t help but question, as Nat gives her a weary smile. 

“If I explain the truth of the matter, I don’t think she’ll believe me,” the redhead lets out with a sigh and deep down Rebecca can’t help but agrees just a little, “She’ll believe James even less, but you’re a neutral person in the matter who experienced everything first hand. She might take your word for it.” 

Rebecca frowns just a little before returning to her cool pokerface and leaning further away from the redhead, as if she was trying to protect herself, though Nat would never fault her for it. Unlike her older brother, Rebecca Barnes didn’t wear her heart on her sleeve, though she was just as sweet and kind when need be -- it was a fault for all the Barnes children. 

“It’s been years, Natasha,” Rebecca breathes out, “What are you getting out of letting this all out in the air? You want her in your life again, like Jamie dreams about all the time. You wanna hang it over her head? Make your move and hope you’re best friends again?” 

There is a bitterness that edges itself in Rebecca’s tone before she reals it back in. The brown-haired woman lets out a huff of air before looking at green eyes without a hint of fear. 

“Bucky and her can have whatever they want,” Nat starts off, but Rebecca already knows that deep down she is only giving her a half truth, “I just think we all need some peace from this...just say the truth and let it go.” 

Rebecca stays quiet for a moment, thinking about those murky memories from all those years ago, before stating: “For Jamie and none else. That’s all you’ll get from me.” 

“That’s all I’m asking.”

* * *

James isn’t really that surprise when he gets a text from Natasha that she is going to be busy at the time that they are usually supposed to meet for lunch. 

James is a little surprised when he makes to the Stark Tower, asking if you are in, when the receptionist tells her that you had called in sick for the day. He frowns at the sight of the flora --all his gifts-- decorating her desk before thanking her and leaving to find some place to eat on his own. 

James can’t help the little fear of dread that bubbles in his stomach for a moment and while he knows that Nat is as stubborn as him when it came to these issues -- he didn’t think she would go seek you out to talk. Hell, she didn’t know where you worked or anything. 

So, as he walks to a nearby deli, James takes a breathe and hopes that everything is just some strange coincidence.

* * *

You spend all morning on the day you supposed to meet Natasha in bed, as Jane and Darcy flutter around you trying to get you eat something though you are sure you are going to throw it up sometime afterwards and prepare for the inevitable -- that meant Darcy going through your closet and trying to figure how good you were going to look. At least, so something went right about this whole mess. 

She lines up different outfits for you as you stare at them once you get out of the shower and can’t help but laugh just a little at the certain ways both of them take of you. It wasn’t something that you did with Natasha when you were younger -- she had always moved to the beat of her own drum and you struggled to follow. It didn’t surprise you when the end came and she stopped talking to you, somehow you knew it was the inevitable like all those dozen of high school movies you had seen since then.

You just didn’t expect for it to hurt so much. You hadn’t expected for her to take James with her too.

However, you knew deep down that James wasn’t yours from the beginning either. He had only come up to you back in elementary because Natasha sat next to you compared to everyone the wanted the new kid’s attention. Even though you had orbited around each other for so many years, James Barnes was just a star for you to see flash by -- even though…

> _ Hey, I-I was wondering if you wanted--- _

You squash the familiar memory, the one that you had played countless times over in desperation and questioning because for whatever Natasha told this was her side of the story and it wasn’t going to answer why James had even asked you out in the first place. 

“Just got get this over with,” you whisper to yourself, as if getting ready to rip of a bandage from a still festering wound as you glance over at all the outfits that Darcy had step up for you and pick the softest pastels you see. It wasn’t much, but it comforted you just a little.

You proceed with your daily routine, though just a bit later in the day. 

* * *

Clint’s, from what Darcy had read on its Yelp page, was an off-the-wall bistro that served some great sandwiches and pies, which the younger woman had decided you should get her since she wasn’t going -- she had to cover for someone at work that afternoon. And from what you see as you enter the interior --wooden countertop and different road signs hanging from the walls-- it was place you could see yourself going to when you had the time. 

“Welcome,” the blond man says to both you and Jane with a tired look on his face, as you briefly wonder how much sleep he got and how exactly he was awake at that moment since it looked like he could slip from his place on the counter at any moment. You just smile, not prepared to talk just yet, as you see red moving about in the back of the dinner. 

“Over here!” you can hear Natasha yell, as you grasp on Jane’s hand in that moment, like when you two had decided to go to the frat haunted house for Halloween back in sophomore year. She gives you a weak smile, as you move forward towards the back.

Green eyes meet yours as you take a seat across from her. However, you didn’t expect to see the person sitting next to her. 

“Becca?” you question in surprise as the blue-eyed woman gives to a smile and introduces herself to Jane, “What are you doing here? I thought--” 

“You thought Jamie was going to be here,” she states now leaning a bit more towards your side of the table than Natasha’s. You nod, as she gives you a sour of smile, “Well, Natasha thought it was better for you to get the story from me.” 

“Why would she think that?” you ask, not caring that she is right there as Becca laughs at something -- like she is reminiscing at your endless barrage of questions, something that certainly hasn’t changed in the years since she had last seen you before taking a more serious tone of voice -- the one that she might have used in the courtroom.

“Well, for starters to tell you that  _ I was the one dating Nat at the time _ , not Jamie.” 

You sit there in momentary shock, unsure of where to look before Rebecca moves forward with her account of the way things had happened all those years ago.

* * *

_ “Teenagers are really stupid, ya know. They want to be adults but falter at the first sign of attention. I started talking to Natasha at the start of 9th grade. She had always been this cool big sister type, like you but it slowly started to change. I wanted all her attention on me, so I wrote her letters during the summer -- Jamie helped me know where she was and it just tumbled from there. I don’t know when Mr. Romanoff figured it out, but he didn’t want Natasha anywhere around me...but, Jamie has a serious savior complex sometimes, always has to be the one helping his loved ones. So he told the man -- ‘I’m the one dating your daughter’ -- and that’s how he hid it for a very long time.”  _

_ Natasha looks at you, looking at Rebecca in confusion as you speak: “Even if that was the truth, why didn’t anybody tell me? Why was I thrown aside and made a laughingstock during homecoming?” _

_ Rebecca motions for you to ask those questions to someone else, as you turn with tears streaming down your cheeks at the person that dared call herself your best friend once.  _

_ “I was afraid,” is all Natasha can manage to say as you give her this wild and confused look before getting up and smashing your hands on the table. You hurry towards the bathroom without another word though your confused and heartbreaking sobs echo in her head for a very long time.  _

* * *

You run that afternoon through your head for the rest of the day, and even into the next day. However, there aren’t any great breakthroughs that come from it and while you can understand where Natasha might be coming from --you remember her father well enough-- there are still too many hurt feelings and festered confusion over what Rebecca had told to stop you from running to the redhead and declaring that everything is mended -- that you could be friends again. 

You had left with no grand gestures of reconciliation, and it seemed like that was the end of it, at least for now. 

“What do you think I should do?” you question timidly, as you glance at Sam from across the table. The man had decided to take you out to lunch once more, though you were sure it was to get the details out of you as well -- Thor must have told him and you knew that once this was over and done with Sam was bound to tell Pepper. 

“I think you’re missing one side of the story,” Sam declares rather cheekily as you groan with a muttered whisper of  _ please don’t make me. _

“If you really want to know the whole truth,” he states likes he’s the lawyer from that one series he loves so dearly, “You gotta talk to Barnes and draw your own conclusions from that.”

“I--” you start off, only for Sam to cut you off again. 

“Nobody is telling you to forgive them,” he states a bit softer now,”This is all for you.  _ Let it go _ and learn to live again, hell maybe even go on a date for once.” 

“Sam, please don’t try setting me up again,” you answer back, removing yourself from the serious talk into something more light-hearted known as your failing love life. However, you knew deep down that he was telling the truth -- it was the most logical step in settling this matter.

You had to talk to James and decide what things to finally let go of. 


	6. face my fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was an awkward chapter to write, but i am sticking with it. there are mentions of homophobia, so please be cautious.

_ Steve looks at Bucky swirling his drink. The papers are signed in front of him, but he been avoiding sending them for weeks. His best friend shakes his head at the end of his story, as Steve can’t help but ask: _

_ “Then why did you even ask her out, to begin with, punk?”  _

_ “Because,” Bucky groans out, “Summer of ninth grade, she came back different for camp and I just couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. I kept it together for a whole year, punk! But, then in the ice cream parlor, she looked so cute and sweet, I just had to!”  _

_ Steve just laughs at his friend’s desperation, though he had never seen Bucky act like this before either.  _

_ “--I really did like her...a lot.” _

* * *

Sam is surprised to see all the paperwork laid neatly on his desk with James Barnes’ signature on the front page, almost as if mocking him since he tried so hard to close the deal but James wouldn’t do so without talking to you. Sam couldn't help but wonder how much of that Natasha fiasco had pushed him into all this -- for him to just give up what he wanted most of all. 

He shows you the completed paperwork after lunch, only to have your frown. Sam is quick to notice that there is fire and irritation in your eyes that he had never seen before. Yes, he had seen you annoyed at people and problems before, but there was a quirk of mocking and  _ emotion  _ that was slowly breaking through and he couldn’t help but be amused at the sudden switch between the two of you.

“That’s great, Sam,” you grin before putting all the paperwork on your desk, “But, I’m gonna have to go one last time, just to make sure everything is ready to move forward.”

“Whatever you say,” Sam states with a shrug and laugh, as you shake your head -- more at ease than he had ever seen you than ever before, even though you were going into the jaws of the shark once more.

* * *

Sharon stares at her wife for a long while, as green eyes scan over hundreds of pics she seems to have placed together in her scrapbook. Rosie is down for a nap, as the blond takes a seat next to Nat and brushes her hand over hers. Natasha has never been one to be very open about her emotions -- stating that it was because she was Russian, during one of the early fights in their relationship. However, this wasn’t about her, well not just her but the two people that seem to be sharing the spotlight in one of those pics she was looking at.

  
“What are you thinking in that head of yours?” Sharon asks sternly but softly as Nat lets out a scoff. 

Sharon knew all about what Nat had done -- from what she had seen with Bucky, to talking to her ex once more, and seeing her friend in that little diner that she owned with Clint. Sharon could see it all, but --like so many times before-- she couldn’t understand why. 

“Why can’t you let them go?” she asks again, as Nat runs a hand up and down her thigh in anxiety -- the only way she’ll show it before getting up and leaving the room. 

Sharon shakes her head before noticing that there is one picture that doesn’t have her wife in it, instead it had just the girl that seems to be haunting Nat and Bucky smiling in front of what looks to be an old ice cream parlor. There is some sloppy writing in the corner in black marker with a heart on the side.

_ Together forever -- Bucky &... _

Blue eyes widen as Sharon starts to put two and two together before getting up and going after Natasha and trying to ease decades-long fears once and for all. 

* * *

It takes you a few days to build up the courage to head down to good old Brooklyn, you hadn’t been there in quite some time and had always avoided the neighborhood you grew up in since your parents had moved down to Florida after you headed to college. However, that’s where the little building that held the main office to Barnes Pharmaceuticals was located and after psyching yourself up -- you came face to face with the receptionist as she twirled her gum and looked at you with bored eyes. 

“Good afternoon, Dot,” you state while reading the name plaque on her desk,”I was wondering if I could talk with Dr. Barnes.” 

“He’s a very busy man,” she states with a cooing drawl that reminds you of those girls from Jersey that Bucky hung out with for a while, “I could ask him though if you don’t mind me asking who you are associated with.

You give her a tight-lipped smile, “--with Stark Industries.” 

This leads to a quick chain of events of her quickly dialing the phone while giving you a bright smile and James proceeds to run down the hallway. He heaving out deep breathes as he looks at you with those wide baby blues of his, and you give him a smile.

* * *

“This is about what Nat told ya, huh?” 

Bucky states as you walk side-by-side near the familiar park near the bridge, though it was fuller than usual -- maybe because it was lunchtime. He left his suit jacket back at work and his white shirt was rolled up to his elbows. You had to admit that even after all these years he was still the stuff girls (and now women) dreamed about. 

“I am leaning more towards what Rebecca said,” you state as James nods, as you add as a bitter afterthought, “I can’t believe what Nat says, but I’ll take your version of the events with a grain of salt.”

James lets out a scoff at this as you give him a rueful smile. It almost felt like when you and Nat used to get into a fight like kids and he was in the middle of it all then you guys would suddenly make up without his help. Deep down, all three of you knew the other two could live without the third and it had always gripped at you like a cold dread, but they seem to have done perfectly well without you -- at least on the surface level. 

“Well, let’s get this bitterness out of the way with something sweet, no?” he asks with a soft smile as you just shake your head, not believing that the two of you had somehow managed to end up in one of your favorite places as kids. 

The good old ice cream parlor.

* * *

Bucky settles for his usual as you settle for something that he knows you didn’t use to pick as a kid, as the two of you sit near the back. Stan gives him a curious gaze, knowing automatically who you are, but says nothing else as you get down to business -- James knows that you aren’t here to hang out, you’re here to know his version of the truth and move on. 

“So what do you wanna know?” James tries to ask in the most normal tone he can muster at the moment, as he watches you take a bite of the ice cream. His head runs with a million thoughts and fantasies of how this could be something else, but it isn’t and his heart stutters due to all the added stress.

“I just have one question for you,” you state as you place your hands down on the wooden table and stare him directly in the eye, “If Rebecca was Nat’s date for homecoming...If I was your date for homecoming, why the hell were you kissing Natasha underneath the bleachers? Why did it look like you guys were dating afterward?” 

James wants to be cheeky and say that’s two questions, but at the sight of you letting out a shaky breath and the look in your eyes causes him to break all over again. They had all betrayed you and placed Nat’s safety, along with Becca’s above you -- and for that James still couldn’t forgive himself to this day.

> _ “You’re right about all that, ya know. But nobody outside of my parents and I knew that Becca and Nat were dating. I am sure Mr. Romanoff had some idea, he always knew something was ‘wrong’ with Nat in his eyes, so I faked being her boyfriend so her and Becca could be together. I don’t know why we never told you, maybe he thought you would figure it out eventually...it was stupid. I went as Nat’s date to her house and picked her up before I did you, dropped her off and she left with Becca. I didn’t know Mr. Romanoff had followed us...Nat went crazy and panicked when she finally saw him -- grabbed me when you were in the bathroom and kissed me under the bleachers -- that’s how you found us. Mr. Romanoff said nothing, just smiled and left but I couldn’t go after you knowing that he could come back and hurt one of them. The charade kept going and we never told ya, I guess it was easier that way...but I’m sorry...I really am.”  _

“So you did it to protect Becca and Nat,” you let out in a shaky laugh, “That sounds like you all right, always needing to protect those important to you, bull-headed and not caring who got in the way. Even me, huh?” 

“That's...” 

“It’s okay,” you sigh out, resigned to your own fate within his story and memory, “I sort of knew you guys were always going to leave me eventually, I was waiting for it since I was a little kid. I just didn’t think it was going to be in that way, ya know.”

Blue eyes widen at your own admission and how you thought of yourself back then and even now in that way when it came to him and Nat. And there are so many things that he wants to say, but at the sight of the red in your eyes with unshed tears, he freezes and his heart collapses on itself, but you try to be stronger as you brush them away. James just sits there in silence, as he realizes how much he had hurt one of the people he loved the most in all his life, even now. 

“I just have one last question,” you ask trying to ignore how your voice cracks just a little, “Why did you ask me out in the beginning then? If you were going to play proxy.” 

“I really did like you  _ in that way _ ,” James declares with a desperation in his voice and look in his eyes that makes you want to believe him, but your heart after all these years doesn’t reciprocate any of those teenaged emotions,” You came back from summer camp  _ shinning  _ and you were the only thing in my head from then on.” 

So, he had liked you in some way back then, maybe just like you had liked him and in a brief instant you wonder what it would have been like if everything had gone “ _ right _ ” in same way -- that you could have dated and loved Bucky Barnes in the ways you had fantasized and dreamed of. However, you tuck that thought away and keep quiet that you had felt the same.  __

“Oh,” is all you manage to say, but James knows the gears are turning in your head as you bite your lip -- you don’t believe him and that’s the saddest thing about it all to him, “It is what it is then.” 

You take the last couple of spoonfuls of ice cream in total silence, as Bucky just sits there and takes it all in. All those years ago, you would be laughing at a joke he had said or just smiling silently as he and Nat talked about whatever they did back in the day. You were silent now, but in the passing of everything you couldn’t have that anymore and in knowing that this was the end of whatever this had been over the past couple of months. 

And in a way, James for all his tenacity and stubbornness knew he had lost you -- everything that he had in the past, over what you had told him, and what he could only realize you thought of him now. He’s lost in his thought when your voice finally calls out his nickname -- for the first time in a long time. 

“Thank you,  _ Bucky _ ,” you state with a small but defeated smile, as blue eyes watch you get up. You’ll give this only last thing to him in a place you both cherished so much once. 

He doesn’t allow himself to get another word in, thinking about Pepper Potts’ words as you walk out the door and leave him behind once again, though it was his fault, to begin with. However, this is the happiest he has seen you --in front of him-- in all the months that this has been going on, so he lets it go. 

There is nothing left to be said. 

“You let the good one go again, kid,” Stan from the other side of the counter says, as he wipes it down before giving James a shake of his head, as if he’s disappointed. 

“Yeah, I really did,” Bucky answers back with a subtle crack near the end of his voice, as he takes another spoonful of the chocolate-covered ice cream. 

It’s bitter like defeat, but with a slight hint of freedom -- at least for you.

* * *

There is a spring to your step for the next couple of days. The merger with Barnes Pharmaceuticals is officially now moving forward with everything Pepper, Tony, and James wanted for it to be and there is word that Philips is officially moving forward with his retirement in the upcoming months, by new year the Mergers and Acquisitions branch of Stark Industries will be under new management -- but, those are all things that will take time. For now, you are looking at something else with Darcy and Jane grinning besides you. 

“After all this, you totally deserve it,” Darcy grins, swirling her drink as she watches you click the large blue button -- the tickets are set, so is the Air BNB and the little things along the way. It helped that Pepper came into your office a few days after you meet with James and told you that you needed a break. 

“I think the last time you even went on vacation was for my wedding,” Jane hums in a little bubblier than before thinking of only a few years back when she and Thor had their wedding in his home country and she wasn’t lying, as you move to look at your Google calendar marking it all in as  **VACATION TIME.**

You smile at yourself at the sight, like a weight has been lifted off before you break out in a heartbreaking laugh.

“I really do deserve it.” 


	7. like summer, this slowly fades away.

_ “I wanted both of them in my life,” Nat ends up telling Sharon in the middle of the night when they are laying in bed. Her voice strong but filled with emotion, “Even if it was selfish, but look at how it all turned out.”  _

_ “Were you in love with both of them?”  _

_ “I don’t really know,” Nat sighs out as she leans on the blonde’s shoulder, “Maybe with aspects of both of them that I wanted for myself.” _

_ “So that’s when?”  _

_ “If I couldn’t have both of them, then they couldn’t have each other,” Nat admits with an aching sigh as Sharon rubs the top of her knuckles softly, telling the love of her life that she can move forward with whatever she is feeling, but Sharon was also firm in her own beliefs.  _

_ “And how has that worked out for you, for them?” Sharon explains as she feels a brief coldness on her shoulder, “Sometimes people aren’t meant to be there our entire lives, Natasha. I think you know that.” _

_ Natasha says nothing, as Sharon finally moves forward with the last step.  _

_ “Maybe it’s time you to let them both go.” _

* * *

Four months is a very long time for changes in life to come your way. The year ends and you take an extended holiday abroad. You try to forget about everything that had happened the later half of the year, though it’s a little hard when you always answer Pepper’s email -- a mix of personal and professional as she tells you that Phillips will move into a consultant role and you and Sam will take over certain aspects of his job -- the mergers/acquisitions (Sam) and the R&D and other lawyer aspects of Stark Industries (you). She mentions that Rumlow was fired too --multiple offenses on various levels-- but you don’t pay much mind to that. 

The new year brings so much change and you are ready to face it all, as you head back from London to New York. Though, some things are harder to let go of. 

_ During your extended vacation, you end the meeting and having dinner with Loki in London. Always one for theatrics, he was currently helping with the customing of various shows by the West End. However, your heart --like it had been for most of the trip-- wasn’t in the right place at that moment.  _

_ “You’re thinking about them again,” Loki states in annoyance as he takes a sip from his wine glass. You turn to look at him with a confused stare. He simply gives you a weary smile. _

> _ “Who?” _
> 
> _ “Whoever it is your thoughts can’t stop moving towards,” he answers backs, as you blink before going back to your meal, “So, who this person is that is stealing your attention from me this evening?”  _
> 
> _ “Nobody,” you answer a bit too quickly as Loki smirks and shakes his head like he is dealing with a child, but he doesn’t quickly call out on your lie. He lets you fester in your thoughts as green eyes watch you every once and awhile, Loki had known you as long as Thor had been with Jane and while he wasn’t exactly very close, after that one disastrous date you could call him a friend.  _
> 
> _ “...A boy... man from my childhood,” you end up explaining towards of the end of dinner as Loki leans in with his hand underneath his chin like he’s a snake catching his next meal. You go on explaining your current dilemma.  _
> 
> _ However, unlike everyone else who has sympathized with you, Loki scoffs at the end of your story: “If you want him so much, keep thinking about him so much…then just go after him already.”  _
> 
> _ “It’s--” _
> 
> _ “It’s not that easy,” Loki mocks what you were trying to explain, “You’re afraid being hurt, of how the past will creep up on you again.”  _
> 
> _ “Yes,” you breathe out and stare at him with wide eyes.  _
> 
> _ “If you can truly let the past go and be fully aware that the boy who hurt you before and the man you know now aren’t at the same place when you knew them, I can see you having a chance,” Loki explains while tapping his nails irritated on the glass table, “If not, then you have to let it go and move on, truly from now on.”  _
> 
> _ “And Natasha?” you question, as Loki laughs at his own thoughts. _
> 
> _ “A relationship is a two person deal unless you both consent to it,” he quirks in with a chuckle thinking about his own former escapades, “But, set your boundaries and I’m sure it could work out . Trust me, it’s better not to live with regrets.”  _
> 
> _ “Are you thinking about that sugar daddy from Morocco again?”  _
> 
> _ “Maybe.”  _

However, one thing that doesn’t change, even as the years go by, is that you are still constantly thinking about one Bucky Barnes, even if your mind tells your heart to stop. It’s so illogical, but here you are. 

* * *

There is one thing that Pepper fails to mention with your new job in the R&D aspect of things -- that there’s a new hire. That one Mr. Stark was so impressed of and at awe with one man’s expertise in regards to prosthetic and metal development that he was immediately offered a position there. And how could James with all the potential technology, latest medical improvements, and being able to work with the greatest minds of this age and various fields refuse?

His only point of contention was that _ you _ were there, that he might see you one day walking down those halls and you would outright ignore him, though it wasn’t like he didn’t deserve it. He asked everyone he knew for their opinion -- his ma, his sisters, Steve and Peggy, and they all told him the same thing. 

If he believed in your professionalism, you would do the right thing when the time came. And he did, he knew you loved your job, everything you had done was for the merger to go smoothly even if he had acted like a child. James knew that you could separate your personal and professional lives if need be, you had done so once before Nat and himself came pushing you into a situation that you pushed them back on -- you weren’t a child that cried when things got tough, you stood your ground and fought back. 

It was one of the new things-- well, nevermind  **that.**

He had even tried asking Nat with some reservation, but the redhead never answered any of his calls or messages. He eventually asks Sharon what is going on with his best friend, it’s then that Natasha finally answers him. They end up meeting at that little bar they go to every so often.

“It’s a great opportunity, James,” she declares while nursing her drink. Her green eyes are on him completely, “But, I want to tell you something before you make that decision.” 

Bucky’s eyes widen as Natasha tells him everything -- her own feelings at the time, when she came to realize what she felt, how she used Rebecca to get closer to him, how she realized that they were falling in love with each other, and how she loved them both in different ways, but choose Bucky in the end in order to keep at least one of them in her life in some way -- all because she was scared. It didn’t work out the way she planned it and while James understands that with all his heart, there is still a deep sense of betrayal that he feels from all of this. 

He wonders if this is how you felt all those years ago, how you felt back when talking to him in that old ice cream parlor you had loved so much. It’s in that moment that James realizes how toxic the three of you had been for each other -- there was always a sense of dread from the 3rd one that the other two didn’t need them, it was a sense of paranoia that shouldn’t be in a friendship or any type of love -- and Nat had played off that and while she ended up getting married and had a beautiful baby girl. 

_ Where was he in life? _ He had pushed off girlfriends and countless futures for the sake of friendship and various other reasons.  _ Where were you in all this?  _

This wasn’t right for any of you -- holding onto a past that was never going to come to fruition once more, but unlike you and James, Nat had something to live for, to strive and be a better person for. He lets a bitter smile bloom onto his face and he knows what he has to do. 

“I think we have to let this go, Nat,” James shakes his head and there are unshed tears in Nat’s eyes as she understands what this all means. 

They drink one last time and their friendship comes to a soft end.

* * *

It’s mid-January when you finally come back. A new workload and office are greeting you as Sam and Pepper welcome you with bright smiles. You spend the entire morning laying down the groundwork for how you guys are going to work together and what are the expectations for you in your new position. After a lunch and quick get-together with Sam, you end up heading to the large labs that will host most of the people whose work you are going to be looking over for ethical and law-based purposes and while you could have taken the Phillips’ route and never meet with them unless it was important or you needed to yell at Mr. Stark -- that wasn’t how you wanted to start these new relationships off. 

Tony ends up leading you to the labs late in the afternoon, as he shines while explaining everything that each team is trying to do and all their current projects. Somethings go over your head, but you do your best to understand, knowing that you will need to read up on this and some other things later for a more direct understanding. However, as Tony reaches the medical section. he freezes which causes you to raise an eyebrow as he gives you a bright smile that you sends you on high alert, but that’s when you hear it. 

> _ How was your date last night? _
> 
> _ Fine, but… _

You freeze at the sound of  _ that  _ voice as you turn your head slightly to meet Tony’s nervous brown eyes. He gives you an awkward smile and while he could have given you a million excuses as to why James was there. However, at the end of the day, you understood that James was one of the best if he had caught Tony’s attention. So, you shake your head and press down on your blouse a bit more before motioning for Tony to show you the way. He blinks and shakes his head in defeat before doing so. 

“I’m just saying, I don’t think--” you see the back of his head and white coat before anything else though you know he is talking to Bruce, as the shorter man stops and smiles at both of you entering the room. Tony can’t help but grin as James turns around to look at the both of you.

“Gentlemen,” Tony declares while pushing you forward just a bit, as you wave at Bruce, “This is the new head lawyer for anything and everything R&D, so if you are questioning the legality or morality of your project she’s the one to go to.”

You laugh at Tony’s way of trying to lighten the air as Bruce makes his way to your side of the room, gives you a hug, and questions you on how you have been since the last time you had seen each other. After a quick talk, you turn and your eyes meet blue ones -- there isn’t any hesitation on your part as you extend your hand out and introduce yourself. 

“Dr. James Barnes,” he states with a bright smile as he wipes his hand on his coat before extending it to you, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” 

It wasn’t going to be the same anymore, but it was a good start for something else. 


	8. let my heart loose from these chains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh, i really did think that all three would come back together in some earlier version of the story, but this story just ran with me and we ended up here. 
> 
> i honestly didn’t expect so much support and emotion from everyone that read this story, but i am glad that you all enjoyed the ride – and hopefully these two get a happy ending! thank you so much of reading <3
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated.

_ “Maybe, this is for the best,” Sharon admits as she turns to look at the letter laying on the coffee table, “It’s only for a while and you need a break, sweetheart.” _

_ Green eyes met Sharon’s blue ones, as she gives her a shaky smile. The invitation to teach in D.C for a semester from an old college professor was not an unwelcome thing, but it still felt odd to leave New York -- to let this chord go after so many years of hanging onto it. She thought one day, with Bucky reaching out to you first, that you could all be friends again --- that you could champion and care for one another once more, but she had come to realize that the three of you hurt each other too much, that you bleed over fears and insecurities even when you weren’t in high school anymore.  _

_ Friendship couldn’t be built off of that, and as sleepless nights follow her last meeting with Bucky... Nat was slowly starting to realize that. ‘ _

_ “Maybe, a change of scenery would be nice,” Nat admits, as Sharon smiles at her small acceptance of things as the blond moves forward with moving everything for the three of them -- a new place might be exactly what they all need.  _

_ Deep down, Natasha knows that she could never be forgiven, especially if you ever found out the truth, but she hopes deep down...that both you and Bucky can finally find peace and happiness, even if it’s not with each other. She looks at her wife and then her little girl jumping on her knee -- she gurgles and gives her a gummy smile.  _

_ Rose has the middle name of the one person that Natasha had hurt more than anyone in all this, and she could only hope to teach and love her little girl enough that she didn’t make the same mistakes with the people she loved. _

* * *

It takes eight months of careful dancing and fruiative glances for something to finally bloom again.

**January.**

It’s the end of the month, two weeks after he had first been introduced to you all over again when James finally decides to reach out in a professional way. There are questions he has about the previous patents held by Barnes Pharmaceuticals and how they can work in his current research with Dr. Banner, and whether he could do that at all. 

It’s the early afternoon when his meeting with you is supposed to begin and once more he finds himself in one of those big glass rooms in the lawyers’ section of Stark Industries. He fidgets, remembering that this is where it had all started for you and him once more -- so many things had changed and they were still changing, but James tried to take it as best he could. 

Things had broken and reformed in such a short time within James’ life that all he could do was accept the change and learn to grow from it -- to find what he had been missing for such a long time.

“Dr. Barnes,” your voice breaks his thoughts and while your voice is still as professional as ever (and it hurts every now and then), there is a small smile on your face as you take a seat across from him, “How can I help you today?” 

However, James can’t help but smile at the sight of all the folders and books you had brought in. You were still learning so much about your new position and he just couldn’t help how sweet the sight was, though he would never tell you that -- this wasn’t the time for such things.

“I was wondering--”

You end up sitting there for hours and while it might not be anything that he had dreamed up as a teenager, James was surely happy to have you in his life again.

**Feb. - March**

Sam realizes early on that he is stuck with a bunch of workaholics that tend to work straight through lunch if someone doesn’t stop them. So, he decides that at least once a week you, Bruce, and James need to go out for lunch together. Most of the times it is somewhere cheap for a short break, but he can tell that from time to time one of you needs it. He also tends to notice some other things as well, along with Steve who joins in when he can when he isn’t busy as a new stay-at-home dad. 

“I never said I would say no to dating,” you fight back as Sam laughs. Bruce watches from behind his drink as James tries his hardest not to choke on his food right then and there, “I’m just always busy.”

Bucky isn’t sure how the four of you reached this -- may be, it was due to his most recent failure of a date being the topic of this lunch, which lead to Sam asking  _ you _ when was your last date. You frown at the ask before the older man had taunted you about your obvious streak, but maybe he was doing it for a different reason as brown eyes glanced at the tightening jaw of a certain doctor. 

“There’s always something new to learn and catch up on,” you explain, more heated on defending yourself than looking at the twinkle in James’ eye, “There just isn’t time for it --finding people, going on dates, maybe falling in love or not. It’s too much of a hassle for me.” 

“So,” Sam stops for a dramatic pause, “If I or anybody else wanted to set you up, would you be a willing participant?”

“Sure,” you shrug like it’s the easiest thing to say in the world and effectively ending the discussion as you take another bite of your meal. 

You don’t seem to notice the shit-eating grin Sam sends James’ way, as Bruce gets stuck in the crossroads of his glare.

**March.**

Bucky can’t help but notice that on the tenth of the month there is a small gift placed on his usually cluttered desk. He pauses trying to stop his heart from getting ahead of himself because he isn’t really close enough to anyone that they would know his birthday just yet unless Mr. Stark did this for all his employees. 

He lets out a shake breathe with a speeding heart at the sight of Oppy --a miniature of the Mars rover. 

You don’t say anything about the item or just what day it is, but he just can’t help but hope that your eyes are twinkling at the sight of it on his desk whenever you come into the labs.

**April.**

It’s this month when James decides to tell you what Nat had told him all those months back. You guys have stabilized into a normal coworker relationship, well as much as it can be when one half was still in love with the other -- not that you needed to know that though. However, just as he needed to know the truth to move on, he felt that you deserved the whole truth as well. Not, that you needed to move on -- you were already doing that so well, but for you to stop being kept out of the dark -- you, in his opinion, needed all that. 

It’s a little weird to ask you to spend a day with him, so he decides to block the rest of the day off after lunch --between just the two of you-- so that he could go through this with as much time possible and if you didn’t want to talk with him after that -- well, James understood that as well now.

“James,” you never call him Bucky, don’t allow yourself to, “What exactly is this about?” 

“Natasha,” he replies, which causes you to frown as he can tell that there are already a million ideas running through that pretty head of yours, “There are some things she told me before we stopped talking and I felt like you had the right to know.” 

“I--” you freeze for a moment. The wounds still soft and pliant no matter how hard you tried to be strong about the whole situation. Nevertheless, you steel yourself and nod, “All right, what do you have to say?”

Bucky starts off nervously telling you about the whole situation as Nat had told him some months ago. Your face shows no change and you stay quiet the entire time -- it isn’t until you guys are walking back and close to the bridge that you ask him to turn around for a moment. Blue eyes stare at you in confusion for a second as you finally give him that watery smile that he remembers a much younger you have when you were trying to hold back the pain. 

He turns around, but James swears his heart breaks the moment he hears that first heart-wrenching sob escape you. The both of you stand there, you crying and James holding back with all his might from turning around and cradling you in his arms as you mourn something that will never be able to come back from your shared childhood. 

**May.**

“So, how did this one go?” James can’t help but overhear as you and Sam walk the hallway and one man is speaking a little louder than usual. Bucky knows what Sam is talking about -- he and some other close friends of yours had been trying to set you up since you had declared that you were open for any blind date. 

He tried to ignore as his own steady stream of dates began to slow down, as he started to spend more time with you, even if it was just through lunch and some meetings here and there, though he always made sure that he said hello or saw you at least once throughout the day.

“It wasn’t a 5-star date,” you explain with a shrug as you both walk into the labs, “I just think that I should take a break for now.” 

James can’t help the stupid smile he has on his face throughout the entire meeting -- much to your confusion and Sam’s annoyance. 

**June.**

It’s by mistake that the two of you meet Central Park -- Bucky is coming out of his favorite bookstore for a quick lunch and you had gotten lost in shopping for something for Sam’s little girl and Steve’s little boy since they were so close in age. You didn’t mean to get sidetracked with all the baby books that the bookstore was displaying outside -- it was just that time of the year it seemed. 

“Did something catch your interest?” a familiar voice asks, as you turn around to meet curious blue eyes and a crooked smile. You try to stop your heart from freezing at the sight. 

“Just looking,” you state your intentions vaguely as Bucky nods, though you can’t help but wonder about James’ personal thoughts when it came to the subject of children -- you had known he had always wanted to get married and have the family the potential size of a baseball team, but that didn’t seem to be on his list anymore. Maybe, he had given up?

“Do you,” his hesitant voice breaks your thoughts, “wanna go have lunch...maybe?”

You blink once then twice, trying to put two and two together that James had just sort of asked you out, though maybe just as friends as he gives you a shy grin -- almost ready that you are going to reject the offer. 

“Yeah, sure,” you state with a small nod as his eyes widen for a second as he walks to your side on the busy sidewalk and begins your way to what James tells you is the best bistro this side of Central Park.

You aren’t sure why you are doing this, but at the leap and the sight of James’ smile -- you can’t help but think that this might be a good thing.

**July.**

It starts off with lunch during the weekend and then a thank you text for helping pick out something for Riley and Michael. 

It slowly turns into  _ how are you doing, are you eating lunch, does this place seem okay to you?  _ It’s nervous energy running up and down his spine at the first picture he decides to send -- because that flower field during his morning run just reminds him of you so much and he can’t help it. 

It’s you sending a smile back and one of your own whenever you see a cute dog or have read an interesting article about anything science related, though he already had it bookmarked. 

It’s him saying goodnight with a heart and you answering back with a star. However, there is one thing that causes him to rethink everything, to let the flame of love that has never gone out keep burning and it’s all over a picture of him stuffing his face with pizza that Sam sends “by accident” when they are all hanging out together.

**_“That’s disgusting. You’re lucky you’re cute. :)”_ **

Bucky hopes deep down that it’s okay to start hoping like his teenaged self once more. 

**August.**

However, Bucky should have known better than to dream of stupid things, than getting ahead of himself when you had shown nothing but friendly feelings towards him -- there could be no romantic love in your actions for someone that had broken your heart so cruelly once. And perhaps, you are doing the same when you deny going with him to the Stark Summer Gala ( _ as friends _ , he had added for extra measure), but you just gave him a dim smile and states no -- that you were going with someone else. 

James tells himself that he is ready to see you with your date for the night, to see the one that might hold your heart in ways he only dreamed of. It’s a lie when he sees you coming into the room in a dark colored dress that accents the best parts of your body with a tall, dark-haired man that has his arm around your waist. 

The man whispers something in your ear, you shake your head with a smile and Bucky orders another whiskey on the rocks.

* * *

_ “Just put him out of his misery already before I have to see those pathetic puppy eyes thrown this way again.” _

It’s what Loki tells you halfway through the night, though you are sure he wants you out of the way now that he has caught sight of that Moroccan sugar daddy that he had realized was going to be at the gala. The other part of him being here was for the lack of a better word was moral support. You had known it was going to he hard to be around James once you realized you were going to be working together, but that only seems to get harder as the months moved forward. 

You had been apprehensive and distant at best when it all began, but in the past two months something had changed (maybe since he had told you the truth of what Nat had done when he didn’t have to) and you were falling for him all over again. However, it wasn’t fast with your whole future planned ahead, but soft and slowly -- hoping that you could have just one more day with him, one more phone call or silly chat over something that caught your interest for the day. 

Once again, you were willing to have your heart ruined if it was James Buchanan Barnes, but maybe he was the only one that held it in the first place -- since elementary and beyond that, you were just hoping that it was finally the right time for the two of you. 

You search around once then twice, as Jane gives you a hopeful smile before Sam moves his head to motion towards one of the closed balconies. You take a deep breath and play with the straps of your dress for a bit before heading over to where he is supposed to be, Sam grinning behind his drink the entire time. 

“I think I should just go, Stevie,” you hear Bucky complain about the phone as you stand near the doors of the balcony. Though, you can’t help but note that even frantic he still looks handsome in his dark suit and slicked back hair that he is slowly messing up as he runs his hand through it. 

_ “--I just don’t think I can keep seeing her with that greasy guy when I..I--” _

“When you what, James?” 

The sound of your voice causes him to freeze as he turns slowly to look at you. His mouth is set to a thin line as he tells Steve that he’ll call him later. Bucky hangs up and pockets the cell phone before fighting between staring at his fidgeting hands and looking at you. You take slow steps into the balcony as James moves to step back until he is next to the railing. You almost want to laugh that you have cornered him, but his silence has you a bit more concerned.

“James,” you state softly, but he stays the same -- that’s when you bringing out the big guns, “ _ Bucky _ .”

“Don’t do that,” he lets out pathetically at the sound of his nickname coming out of your lips for the first time since the ice cream parlor meeting. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” you tease as you lean in and cup his cheek so his blue, blue eyes are staring at yours, “You should explain -- maybe starting off with what you were talking to Steve about.” 

“You don’t wanna know, sweetheart,” he laments as the sound of his voice almost breaks your heart right then and there, “Not while you’re with someone else. I just want your happiness, always have.” 

You can’t help but smile at the thought, knowing now that it was the truth --Bucky cared too much about everyone in his life-- even if it had been shown in the worst ways in the past, but you were trying to change that now. 

“I never said I was  _ romantically  _ with someone else, James,” you state as he keeps staring at you with that disbelieving stare, as your grin grows like a cat who had eaten the canary without getting caught, “There’s only one person that really has my heart -- always has.” 

Bucky leans into your hand and gives you that kicked puppy dog stare as finally admits what he has been so bad in hiding from the whole world, except maybe you. 

“ _ Shit _ , I love you,” he says those magical words that have you beaming, “I don’t think I ever stopped and if you’ll have me, I’ll never make you regret that choice for as long as you call me yours, darlin’.”

You hum softly, noting that you hear his words but seem to be thinking about the notion -- at least just to get his heart racing before closing in once more so that your bodies are as close together as possible. The whole world seems to disappear at the sight of him looking at you so ardently. 

“I’m putting my heart in your hands, Bucky Barnes,” you admit just above a whisper as his blue eyes shine in the dim lighting, “ _ So, don’t you dare break i _ t.” 

“I promise,” he states as he starts kissing the sides of your mouth and your cheeks -- clearly ignoring his intended target to tease you back, “Never in a million years, never again.”

“Good,” is all you can say before grabbing both sides of his face and dragging his lips to meet yours as he arms encircle your waist. 

Your lips meet once then twice, longer than the first and until the need for air breaks the two of you apart. Your foreheads touch as he goes on and on about all the places he wants to take you and all the words he never got to say once before, as you answer back with your own declarations and pilant kisses. And this isn’t about making up for a lost time, but rather seeing who the other has become and welcoming it as a whole new adventure together and to see where this could go. 

And for as long as your two hearts were beating and truthful to one another -- well, you were sure that could conquer anything that came your way. 


End file.
